I was sitting in my living room this morning in silence. The girls are both at my mom’s house this weekend because later today I’m helping a friend sell her hand poured candles at a local artist show here in town. My husband is working out of town today. He left before the sun came up and he’ll come back after it’s gone down.
I woke up. showered. sat with no pants in living room and hopped on my phone and computer simultaneously perusing pinterest and instagram, daydreaming about a future life and new identities. Taking up an interest in baseball, and cross fit and gardening. Being a bee keeper and a botanist, and opening my own apothecary.. or was it childrens boutique, or flower shop? It changes often. I started getting pretty down on myself. I do this a lot when the girls are away, in fact, it’s almost routine. I think about my loneliness and fear for what I’ll do when they’re teenagers and they don’t need me anymore. I picture my life alone and sad. I wonder why I didn’t get more likes on that instagram photo, and if anybody would care if I deleted everything (and of course they would.. because they need updates about the girls).